As you all know I've been using this blog as an outlet to express my feelings. There are times I will pour my feelings into this blog and there are times when I leave very little entries.
Lately, I've been through emotional highs and downs known as depression. It's hit me very hard like a sledgehammer. I find it very hard to pick myself up in the morning unless I set myself up for a strict schedule. I'm at the library and I'm enjoying the beautiful view I see. The trees are dancing with the wind and the clouds are drifting ever so slowly. I love this part of the summer; Indian summer to be exact.
I can just get lost in those "dreamy days" and I love those dreamy days because it helps me recollect my feelings.
I want to share something that I've struggled with growing up. Depression. It was very hard dealing with depression and the only easiest way to cope with depression was to self-comfort myself by over-eating. I'd eat sweets and hide the wrappers out of guilt.
A close friend caught me by finding a bag filled with empty wrappers, naturally she was shocked and worried about me. Out of natural defense, I denied doing this which made things worse. I could have easily admitted doing it but I just couldn't do it.
A nervous breakdown resulted after a series of self-sabotage acts and a marital breakdown. This stirred up the dark demons which unleashed a lot of words that I regret saying and do wish I could take them back.
This has awakened me to another side of me that I didn't realise existed within me. This also made me realise I truly needed pyschological counselling. I did have pyschological counselling which I really benefitted from and will need to go back to it. I benefitted from pyschological counselling on so many lengths & I was so proud of my healing.
I healed within and outside; emotionally. Socially I was aware of how my negative actions ostracized myself from my peers and mentally I gained coping methods which enabled me in so many ways. I matured as an adult and the inner child within me had closure.
I have the gift of the present moment and I do not need to look back in the past because the future is important.
For this I dedicate the pictures of my life to my families and my friends who have impacted my life in so many ways, I love you all.
Patty oxox
