As you all know I've been using this blog as an outlet to express my feelings. There are times I will pour my feelings into this blog and there are times when I leave very little entries.
Lately, I've been through emotional highs and downs known as depression. It's hit me very hard like a sledgehammer. I find it very hard to pick myself up in the morning unless I set myself up for a strict schedule. I'm at the library and I'm enjoying the beautiful view I see. The trees are dancing with the wind and the clouds are drifting ever so slowly. I love this part of the summer; Indian summer to be exact.
I can just get lost in those "dreamy days" and I love those dreamy days because it helps me recollect my feelings.
I want to share something that I've struggled with growing up. Depression. It was very hard dealing with depression and the only easiest way to cope with depression was to self-comfort myself by over-eating. I'd eat sweets and hide the wrappers out of guilt.
A close friend caught me by finding a bag filled with empty wrappers, naturally she was shocked and worried about me. Out of natural defense, I denied doing this which made things worse. I could have easily admitted doing it but I just couldn't do it.
A nervous breakdown resulted after a series of self-sabotage acts and a marital breakdown. This stirred up the dark demons which unleashed a lot of words that I regret saying and do wish I could take them back.
This has awakened me to another side of me that I didn't realise existed within me. This also made me realise I truly needed pyschological counselling. I did have pyschological counselling which I really benefitted from and will need to go back to it. I benefitted from pyschological counselling on so many lengths & I was so proud of my healing.
I healed within and outside; emotionally. Socially I was aware of how my negative actions ostracized myself from my peers and mentally I gained coping methods which enabled me in so many ways. I matured as an adult and the inner child within me had closure.
I have the gift of the present moment and I do not need to look back in the past because the future is important.
For this I dedicate the pictures of my life to my families and my friends who have impacted my life in so many ways, I love you all.
Patty oxox
5 comments:
Hello! Depression is a hard thing to overcome, live with and beat. I'm sorry it is your battle.
Alex tells me all the time, "you can visit the past but you cannot dwell there" which I think is good advice.
Take care, my friend. Write me anytime.
Thank you so much for your thoughts, they really do mean a lot to me. Believe me, I'm weeping at the moment typing this. It does help knowing that at least someone does understand and relate.
Alex gives good advice and I will use his quote. Please hug him for me and thank him for this eloquent quote.
Much love to you dear friend. We've been through so much together yet apart. Internet can be fascinating, aye?
Love,
Patty oXoX
Yes we have been through a lot together and I hope things settle down for a while but I have a hard time trusting that things will be okay. Because suddenly they weren't, over and over again and it is hard to feel a sense of stability when you think something else might happen. Again.
And truth is, it probably will. I mean my mother is going to be 76. She has congestive heart failure and RA. So.
It is a sad life we lead at times. Too sad. I remember when times were good, only I didn't know it. Ya know?
So now I appreciate everything. Every little thing. Even my stinky daschund! They have their own smell you know... HA!
Hey Patty, how are you? Thinking about you today...hope you are okay.
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